Tuesday, October 6, 2020

But; you're a mom you can't.....

Becoming a mom changes your life. You hear that everywhere; and from absolutely everyone. But they don't necessarily explain just how it changes ALL parts of your life; and they happen in phases. Basically as the kids get older; mother hood changes in different ways. My boys are elementary school aged; close to middle school age (WOW; that really hit me that it's THAT close!) So I can say I kinda sorta have mastered some parts of motherhood with lots and lots of mistakes along the way trust me. But even so there are still so many ways my life is changing and the struggle is still very real. 
There are wayyyy too many misconceptions though that I have hated about parenting, and it's like as soon as you become a mother you have to live up to everyone and societies expectations of you. Like, what you're a mom and you go out and have fun with friends? But, that's against all mom code of conduct!! I know I have felt this way millions of times before stepping out to try and enjoy myself. Which inevitably ends up as me feeling so guilty for being out with friends, that I don't end up fully embracing the moment and enjoying it. We kind of do it to ourselves really, because we gotta learn to let go of what we believe others may think of us, or think less of us if we do something that doesn't live up to the definition a mother has been given by society. It's been a long road but I have learned that this momma over here deserves to feel good, and have a good time. I have learned to love me for me, not as just a mom - but as a human. 

Below I wanted to share some special things I do to help myself feel more like myself, more than a mom.

1. Painting - I am not an artist, at all. But Youtube videos can sure make you feel like you are. I purchased some canvases; acrylic paints; and brushes and threw on an easy beginners painting class and that was that. I didn't apply any pressure on myself to be good at it, but just used it to remind myself that I can try new things just for fun, and it does the job every time. Experimenting with colors, and just letting my mind go of all the things around me for just a couple minutes. It's so therapeutic, and it doesn't cost much at all. 

2. Random Walks - I don't choose a destination, and I literally just step outside, throw on my air pods and let the wind lead me. It's a favorite thing I like to do when I know I need some solitude away from distractions at home. I can find a quiet area to sit and meditate to the sounds of the city, or I stop and get a special treat that I can fully enjoy for myself that I do not have to share or buy plenty for all.

3. Take Selfies - Yup, just do it. Because lets face it- most of my camera roll is my kids, my kids, and my kids again. Cus, they are pretty cute - BUT guess what you are beautiful too, and sometimes getting all cute and taking photos of yourself feels good. So why not? and then if you really do like how they came out you can even post it - because just like you post all these photos of your kids because you think they are absolutely amazing and you want to just constantly show them off to the world - it's perfectly fine for you to do the same exact thing with yourself - because you should feel like showing yourself off to the world too!

4. Buy things; for yourself. Now I am not saying go and splurge and forget about all of your responsibilities. But as a mom myself I know just how much money I spend on unnecessary things for the boys just because I know it will make them happy. Roblox and Fortnite are literally taking full control of my bank account honestly - but here and there I like to make them happy. I also have a bad habit of weekend snacks that I know will completely make their night. So, I have learned to do that with myself too - if it's buying myself flowers on Friday to brighten up my day and my home - or finally splurging on a new perfume that I have been wanting! It feels good to have certain things that you buy just for you.

We have to remind ourselves that self love is so important, because if we can't teach our kids what that looks like and be a role model for it - they won't ever find it within themselves either. Let's love ourselves so much that they see it, and feel it in every thing we do!

So; wear that sexy bikini and show off your mom bod on Instagram.
Get a drink or two with a friend; and don't call every ten minutes to check on the kids!
Book that trip to go enjoy some alone time in a hotel; in blissful silence.
Buy yourself that new book you have been wanting to read!
You matter; and you are more than just someones beautiful; amazing mother.

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